DAMNED HABITS

Reading a book or a blog will not help change a habit.  Action is the magic word of the week.  So what have you done towards changing your habit?  There are many books available that will give you advice and a path to follow more than reading a quick few blogs.  Hiring a coach or asking a friend for help is the other option.  Have you tried either of those yet?  Habits are so hard to change.  They are ingrained in us.  We have had our habits or addictions most likely, for a very long time.  Don't expect over night change. Be patient with yourself and others around you. Most of all be kind to yourself.  And as always, I am here....Happy Friday

YES I AM...NOW WHAT????

You read the last blog and decided today is the day to change...but what comes next?

Pick a person that you can confide in or hire a coach and tell that person what it is you want to change, to accomplish. Tell them why it is important to you and how it will improve your life if you can succeed in breaking this habit.  Ask this person if they will check in weekly with you to see how you are doing. Obviously, if you have hired a coach you have to set up another appointment and actually show up to benefit from them. None of this is a given, a guarantee that you will follow through.  Only you can make that happen...will you?

If you are battling a weight issue, smoking or abusing substances, changing habits might just add years to your life.  It will certainly improve your health.  What you may not realize is how it will change relationships with people around you.  Will people see you differently, most likely.  How they react to your decision may vary.  There is no given as to how others react when we succeed at something. Believe it or not, some become uncomfortable.  Many people are uncomfortable with change, theirs or yours.  Don't allow how others view you to be the impetus for your habit breaking.  You must do this for yourself or it won't sustain longevity.

I applaud your efforts, your willingness to tackle breaking this habit. I am here to listen and support you.  ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK

I AM WORKING ON IT

"I named my habit and have decided it is time for a change.  I looked at how it is affecting those around me and have decided it truly is time for a change. I am committed to working on this, even if I have to ask for help."
Is this a conversation that you have had in your head, and how many times? How many times have you gone on a diet, tried to quit smoking, stopped drinking, have been late for important appointments?

These habits are hard to break.  It takes great commitment to change. More importantly, it takes know how. Where do you start. Thrashing the thoughts in your head is not enough.  Perhaps you have looked at programs for smoking cessation, AA, or OA. Maybe you have even purchased time management programs to help you keep appointments. 

The fact is, if any of that worked you probably wouldn't be here reading this blog.  We go to counselors, recovery meetings and consultants because speaking with others and working with them holds us accountable to someone other than ourselves.  The personal trainer industry is growing for just that reason.  People sign up at the gym, pay the monthly fee and either never get there or seldom get there.  Hiring a trainer holds them accountable and they show up more than likely.

Working with a life coach does much the same thing. You figure out what you want to work on and the coach holds you accountable...keeps you focused and helps you achieve your goals.  Still, it takes commitment on your part.  So the question of the day is...ARE YOU REALLY READY TO QUIT OR CHANGE?????

Breaking Habits is Hard to Do

Sometimes we have to come to the end of the line, bottom out if you may, before we look at the habit that is hurting us the most.  And still, we make excuses why we can't change. Below is a list of excuses. Which one are you using? Find your excuse and put a check next to it. Then ask yourself: Why am I using this excuse? Is there anyway I can work past the excuse or do I just except it and stay stuck?"
Excuses:

• I don't have the energy
• I don't have the time
• It won't work
• I have tried before
• I am too tired
• I can't afford it
• I don't have any help
• I don't want to talk about it
• It's too hard
• It is too stressful
• I don't have any support
• I don't know where to turn
• It will hurt too much

The list could go on and on.  If your excuse is not on the list, add it. Send it to me so that we can turn it around into positive thinking.  Excuses are one way we avoid changing habits.  We are comfortable as we are and changing it requires work.  It takes an emotional toll on us as we start to disassemble the habit bit by bit.
Sometimes the biggest excuse we make is: "I just am not in enough pain to change yet."
When you read that statement, you will often feel your own pain. Look around you and see how your habit affects others around you whether it be family, friends or co-workers. Will changing your habits change your relationships, for the better...?

Each day I write these blogs in hope of getting you thinking about changes that can improve your life.  If any of this rings a bell in your head, contact me and let me be your sounding board or perhaps your springboard for change.
Lorna Ruth

CHANGING OUR HABITS

Change is the hardest thing to face, if in fact you fear change. It is the fear of the unknown. If I change, what will it look like?  What will I replace that habit with? How will I fill that void if I give something tangible up?

As we prepare to give up or change a habit, we often feel resistance.  We worry about the possibility of emotional pain or suffering of some kind. Habits that my followers may be letting go of:

• smoking
• eating/overeating
• drinking
• poor work habits
• biting nails

Fear is a great inhibitor of moving forward, changing these habits as well as many other habits not listed. There is fear of failure: What if I don't succeed in quitting smoking, drinking or overeating?  What if I do succeed?  What if I can't stay committed?  All of these fears hold us back from tackling changing the habit.

The first step is naming your habit, putting it to paper and writing that this is the habit you want to work on right now.  This is your way of facing commitment to change.  You are acknowledging the problem and thinking about how to change it.  There isn't a time line at this point, just an acknowledgment. Baby steps. Today you just look at the habit and think of what it has done for you, what you will lose/gain by changing it, and what you will feel like after the change. I am all about imagery.  Picture the change...the positive gain in your life and how others around you might view you...will they be able to see the change...Is that what you want or is it just for you?

Staying Focused on Your Wish

When you think of setting goals, the thought can overwhelm you, freeze you on the spot or get your head spinning and paralyze you. My hope is that by making a wish and growing it a little at a time, it becomes a goal that has life.

Repeat your wish every day as if it were an affirmation. It is like "The Secret". You put out the positive thoughts, even in a bad situation, and the positive energy will flow. Keep your thoughts positive.

It is the end of the first week of wishing. Take a look at what you have done with it this week. Have you followed any of the steps or have you just wished and thought about it?  Are you focused on making it happen or is it like a wish you make on an eyelash that you just blow away?  I hope not. Refocus...refocus...refocus.  This wish is a goal that you can make happen if you stay focused, putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.  Don't beat yourself up if you didn't get anywhere.  Start over with day one...make the wish again and say "this week, I will focus and take a step.  It can be a baby step.  It's like making a wish that you will follow through with going to the gym. You set a date and time and a list of what will get you there. The first thing on the list is packing the gym bag...but that is as far as you get and weeks have gone by.  Start over, make the wish again, repack the bag, put it in the car and pick a new date...only this time you visualize yourself getting there...amazing to see how it happens that you actually get there this time.
So the final word of the wish week is FOCUS.

WISHING YOU WELL

"A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes"

"Wishing and hoping and hoping and wishing"...can you tell I have been singing in my head all day...you can hear the melody in both the title of today's blog and the opening line.  This week I have you making a wish and figuring out how to make it happen.  You have written it down, maybe even told people your wish and asked for their help. 

Today, I want you to close your eyes and visualize. See your wish happening. Did you wish for a new job? Visualize what the perfect resume would look like. You have searched the job banks and found the job you want.  You start asking friends who they know and if any of them have ties to this company.  You see yourself at the interview. You aced it. They offer you the job and more money than you imagined. Can you see it?

Did you wish for the opportunity to open a new business?  See your self writing a vision statement. What does the new company embody?  How do you see yourself creating a successful business?  Prepare a business plan.  How many people work for you? What are the hours? Who are your clients? What service or goods do you provide and what do you benefit by owning this business?

Was your wish for more money?  Did you set an amount and a date of when you will have it by?  How will you make this happen?  Look around you and see if there are items you can sell.  Look on the internet for ways you can make money.  Think about cutting back on spending to have a stash of cash by the date you set.

Visualizing takes practice. It is not just about seeing the wish. You have to feel it, hear it and listen to it.  It is like having surround sound in your head.  Close your eyes, get comfortable and relax.  Take the wish you wrote down and carry it out in your mind.  What steps are you taking beyond what you wrote down.?  Have you figured out how much more it will take to make your wish happen?  See yourself carrying out your wish.  Who is in the picture?  What are they doing?  What are you doing? Take the wish to the next step.  See it in action. See it on the way to being complete. Can you feel it. Is there joy or do you feel fear? Push through it and see it being successful.  You have arrived at your finished wish.  If you can't get yourself there and want more steps contact me and we will work on your wish together.

Happy Wishing

Lorna Ruth

Each Wish Has Its Price

Keith Ellis is the author of "The Magic Lamp: Goal Setting for People Who Hate Setting Goals". He says: "Every wish has its price. You can have anything you want if you are willing to pay the price. It may be in dollars and cents or it may be in effort - the weeks or months or years it will take to make your wish come true."

This week, if you are following this blog, you have made a wish, written it down and taken some steps to get you moving on making it happen. Or maybe you only got as far as making the wish and writing it down.  What keeps you from making it happen?  Ask yourself: "Am I willing to do the work, to pay the price? What if it takes time away from my family, my job, my tv?"   When you wrote your wish, how specific were you? Did you say: "I want more money" or did you say "I want to have $5000.00 by the end of June"?  Do you see the difference. Your wish has to be specific. Give it a time frame. Will it take a week, a month or a year? Put a time limit on it. Be very specific as to what the wish will look like, feel like or accomplish when you get it.  "When I have $5000.00 at the end of June, I will be able to pay off my debt and will feel great relief".  See and feel how being specific is a motivator.

Feel free to send me your wish so that I can help you build on it.

Each week I will have a new theme for goal setting. I hope this helps you start to move forward from being stuck.

Did You Make a Wish

Did you make a wish yesterday? If you did, write it down. Wishes don't happen unless you write it down and take the steps to make it come true. What is stopping you from having your wish? Usually, it is the roadblocks you throw out there. If you are saying "this isn't realistic" you are putting up roadblocks. We all have excuses as to why we can't have what we want.  Wishes don't just happen. You have to make them happen.

Making a wish come true-

• write it down
• make a list of reasons you want this wish
• make a list of excuses why you can't have this wish
• write down who you know who can help you make this happen
• ask them who they know who can make your wish a reality

Are you wishing for a new job, a new business, a new partner, sobriety, a better relationship with a family member? Taking the steps above works for all of these. We are usually afraid to ask for help.  We are the first to say "this is not a good idea".  When asking for help you will find the support you need to succeed.  Ask me...I will help you work your wish. 

Working The Wish

The value of business coaching from Google CEO Eric Schmidt.

How to put one foot in front of the other

I am a certified life coach. My purpose for starting this blog is to help those who are stuck...you have goals, dreams, wishes and you make lists. But nothing gets done. You say "tomorrow, next week, I can't, it won't work". These are your roadblocks, all the excuses you give yourself that leave you stuck.
Each blog I will put out a new step to move you forward.

For today, I ask you to just make a wish. What is it that you would do if you had your wish. Would you get a new job, write a resume, buy a house, lose weight, stop smoking, stop drinking, have a better relationship with your spouse, your kids, your boss...dream big...and write one dream down. If you have a few wishes, put them in order of priority. If you have questions, email me at lrhappenstance@gmail.com.
We all have circumstances that prohibit us from being the best we can be.